Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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