Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
