I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
from now on my penis is your penis
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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