I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
