My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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