Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
