If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
