i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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