Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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