Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
