my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
