Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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