I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
