I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
