Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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