I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
