I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
