Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
