I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
