worst night to have a conscience
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
