My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
