That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
