just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
