Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
