This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
