You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
