dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
