im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
