like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
