I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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