Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
