My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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