I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
