Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
