Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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