its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
