Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
