for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I cut my penus on the lid.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We just shotgunned beers for America
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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