remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
