I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She needs sedatives and a leash
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
