...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
