Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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