she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
