i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
