There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
