so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
