I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
