yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
