Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
