this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
