i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
